It's Just Me

Am I going to become one of those bitter people? This is the second Christmas without my Mom. My Dad is gone, and my Sister Angie is gone. I heard a song (Silver Bells) from my childhood the other day that brought me down - I burst into tears with longing of that time - the last Christmas we had as an intact family...... Oh it was so sad and I had such regret!!! I'm not into Christmas and just want it to be over. If the economy wouldn't have been so bad this year I would have been ready to take a vacation during Christmas - and do non-christmasy things - but we're going to Vegas in Feb and couldn't do both.

Don't get me wrong - I do love my life and I have much to be thankful for. I have a good job, a great husband, a loving Son. I have my Sister - that last link to that family. I am healthy and have a nice home. But sometimes just remembering and thinking about the past - makes me so sad. And I miss those people so much.

So what do you do? Wallow in it a bit sometimes and get it out of your system? That is what I tend to do. Sometimes it just feels good to cry and miss my Dad and Sister and now my Mom. And to tell myself that it isn't fair. That I didn't get enough time - that I didn't get to tell them everything I wanted. My Dad and especially my Sister didn't get to know Kyle.

I hope someday to have grandchildren - and I think that will complete that circle. Christmas time will change again - looking through a child's eyes instead of a jaded, wounded bitter old person...... that's what I'll look foward to.